What to Do with Bill Clinton

Eric Pfieffer of the Weekly Standard writes, "No one is talking about it, but Bill Clinton might be this year's biggest political loser." Yes, the Comeback Kid did not fair too well in this year's elections as support for Democratic candidates. But his appearance on the campaign trail following his heart bypass surgery has given some commentators the inspiration to conjure up possible positions of public service for the man from Hope.

Why some find it necessary to keep the man around is beyond me, but there are those who wish to see Bill Clinton again in high position. Ed Koch, former mayor of New York City, sees Clinton as the next Secretary General of the United Nations, to succeed Kofi Annan whose term expires in 2006 (if the Oil-for-Food scandal doesn't force his resignation earlier). Cable news host Bill O'Reilly offers Bubba as the next United States Secretary of State to succeed Colin Powell. And several people have promoted Clinton as the next chairman of the Democratic National Committee to succeed Terry MacAuliffe.

But let's be honest. In no way would Bill Clinton bring anything to these positions - neither prestige nor honest brokerage. Clinton has always taken more from those around him than he has given. He has used his positions of power to bolster his enormous ego. Even now, after the charades of his presidency, he still flaunts himself as a man with world respect ( per his recent interview with ABC's Peter Jennings). His presidential library, comprised of 80 million pages of official records, 79,000 museum objects and almost 2 million photographs, is greater in sheer volume of materials than any presidential library before it.

You would think a man who had made it through an impeachment proceeding based on his lying under oath would show at least a small degree of contrition, but not Bill Clinton: "...you don't have any example where I ever lied to the American people about my job, where I ever let the American people down." Unable to accept his obvious mediocrity as a president, Clinton sees himself as a major historical figure, kept from Mount Rushmore by the lack of a major defining issue to solidify his fame.

Of the three positions some see as suitable for Clinton's personality, the most likely one is as chairman of the Democratic National Committee. It is a job that requires a good deal of glad-handing, a talent innate to Clinton. He could traipse around the country and draw crowds of adoring well-wishers who would donate their money to the Democratic cause. Equally, he would draw those who, out of curiosity, would want to see the president whom Monica Lewinsky fellated in the Oval Office.

Clinton as Secretary of State? Hardly. Bush wasn't so naive as to follow up on this heart-felt suggestion of cable news host Bill O'Reilly. In fact, the suggestion says more about O'Reilly's skewed thinking than Clinton's ability to deal with other world leaders. It's unlikely Jacques Chirac or Gerhard Schroeder would take the Arkansas Traveller with the seriousness of a Colin Powell or of a Condoleezza Rice. Anyway, it goes without saying, the personalities of Bush and Clinton are not compatible in any shape, form, or fashion.

One honor Clinton wanted above all others was the Nobel Prize for Peace. He worked mightily and sincerely with the Palestinians and the Israelis to bring about some sort of peace in the Middle East hotbed; he labored for a time to smooth the road to peace in Northern Ireland. But in both cases, he drew blanks. He was played well by the various sides in the two disputes, and it's easy to see now that the players were not truly interested in bringing about a lasting peace.

As Secretary General of the United Nations, he would have another chance at this great prize. The world - not just Arkansa, not just the United States - but the world would be his stage. And given the politcal nature of the Nobel awards, it's conceivable he could be honored with the less than sterling Nobel Peace Prize. In fact, Clinton might work well within the organization. The travel, the pomp, and the circumstance that go with the position would be right up his alley. He could both shine as an example to the world and inflate his considerable ego at the expense of the world. Neither would win much, but the show would be worthy of our short attention span.

With the appointment of Dr. Rice as Secretary of State, two of the three positions are left open to Clinton. Anything is possible in politics - Clinton as head of the DNC or Clinton as the head of the world organization. Take your pick. I choose neither. Let sleeping Bubbas lie.